another week, another chance

This is my wonderful roommate, Heather (aka Crutchy), and myself hangin' out in San Francisco over break. I like Heather. She is my same height...that is neat!

Jack Johnson is hammocky, according to roommate Sarah.

This weekend was mildly productive! I wrote 8 pages for my theatre history paper, and it only took me about 7 hours. That's gotta be some kind of record for me. And I even got some other homework done, read a book, went to a concert, a play, worked out, and watched 3-4 movies. I don't know how I did it. But I did. Actually, I have to finish my homework yet tonight because I've been rewarding myself too much. Whoops. Oh, well.

Today marked another misty, cold, and dreary day. But it wasn't too bad. I like misty weather. The cool spray on my face, the wet feet in flip-flops....you know, this kind of rain is necessary to produce beautiful green grass and buds on the trees and flowers. So it's all worth it.

Can't you see that it's just rainin? There ain't no need to go outside....pretend like it's the weekend....

I've been talking to lots of people about post-grad jobs and other summer activities. And it's weird, because my class is graduating this year. Thankfully, many of my friends are either staying for another semester/year or they're younger than me. But it hasn't hit me yet that in five weeks, a large percentage of people that I have known at Dordt for four years will be moving on with their lives. Life can be so scary...like jumping out of a plane without knowing for sure if the parachute will work. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving's not for you.

But we still have five weeks. Heck, I have another year. And it's Monday. Another week, another chance. We had a wonderful guest minister this morning at Covenant. He was from the Back to God Hour...a French-speaking African. He was funny and blunt and full of truth. He made a point about Son-bathing....if we soak in Christ's light, we should look different to other people. They should be able to tell by the way we look that we are walking in the light of God. Siyahumba!

Well, back to the paper. If this be treason, make the most of it.

happy of the day

Amusing story. Today I was sitting in the Grille talking about how full my Groupwise storage always is and how I have to delete important messages in order to have enough space in my mailbox. Amy told me I should delete my "Sent" messages, because they take up a lot of space. I didn't realize that "Sent" messages took up room. I thought, "Ok, I've never deleted my sent messages in the five years I have had a Groupwise account. I bet that would give me more room!"

So tonight, in avoidance of my homework, I began deleting some of my sent messages. I did twenty at a time (clicking each box individually), reading through a few I thought would be amusing (they were). Rosh and Lynnea came to talk to me, and Lynnea showed me how to select a whole page at a time. So I began deleting 200 at a time, using the mass-click method.

I'm not making a dent. I'm still in messages from December 2005.

Along comes Amy, who laughs at me as I'm deleting 200 puny messages at a time. She shows me how to open Groupwise Messenger and delete the ENTIRE folder at once. So I delete the whole folder, and we laugh at my incompetence. Then we see the number of messages in the trash.

There were 4,086.

We went into convulsions, and then went for a 10-minute walk while the trash purged itself. I think I need to start writing letters.

assessing life

Ahhhh, Assessment Day. This may actually be the first Assessment Day where I have actually been assessed. And it felt like all those ITBS tests we took in grade school...I always get nervous during these tests, especially during the reading comprehension sections. I usually think I'm missing something. Today I wanted to do badly just to make Dordt look bad, and then Bob Wiersma pointed out that my parents' livelihood is dependent on Dordt. And I want my inheritance. = )

Last night, the cast of Jane Eyre got all decked out and went to Spezia's in Sioux Falls for a good time. We looked good. And the drippy candles combined with the color-me! tablecloth was fun. I ate some bread with oil and balsamic vinegar and had fruity alcoholic slush (much to the disappointment of the underage thespians) before eating some Caesar salad pizza. The company was amusing and full of convivial jollity. I'm still missing the play.

Another dreary day. I can't take it much longer. I'm ready to have some sunshine.

musica

Taken from Sarah Jo, modified by Ralph:


1. Choose an artist/band.
Caedmon's Call

2. Are you male or female?
Beautiful Mystery

3. Describe yourself.
Hope to Carry On

4. What do some people think you are like?
Never Gonna Let Go

5. How do you feel about yourself?
Masquerade

6. Desribe where you want to be.
Coming Home

7. Describe how you live.
Not Enough

8. Describe how you love.
Mistake of My Life

9. What would you ask for if you had one wish?
Awake My Soul

10. Share a few words of wisdom.
Valleys Fill First

11. Where do you live?
This World

12. Say goodbye.
There You Go


Caedmon's Call has good songs for this game! I might have to play again with a different band. I feel creative. Not creative enough to write lesson plans or a term paper, unfortunately. I think my bed is calling me....

life (shake fist)

I hate life when suck gets in the way.


Tonight's choir concert was bittersweet. I loved the singing, but it reminded me of happier times. The final Praise to the Lord outside was too much. It's one thing to feel sad about the end of something, but it's another thing to feel angry. I guess I'm not sure how to describe the way I feel....but angry will do for now. And I'm sick of being angry. I've spent three years of my life being angry and I want to be done with it.

Thank you to the girls who made me laugh tonight. I still feel a little dirty......

Here are some pictures from tour.


1. Josh and I at a beautiful Colorado rest area. 2. Amy, Joelle, Carolyn, Jon, and Marcus: excited at a stop in sunny California!
3. Amy and I want OFF the bus!
4. Tour buddies (on the bus, of course!)

my cup overflows

Today was littered with tears yet full of unexpected happiness. All day I struggled with losing out on a great relationship, but everywhere I went, I met up with understanding people who gave me what I needed and more. Hugs and baked potatoes from Mom, Dutch bingo from Dad, conversations with Lauralee and Josh, hug and brownie offer from Hjon, love from Amy, and a good lectio session with Sam, Becca, and Matt involving a little P&W, wonderfully enormous fruit, and funny poop stories. Yes, I'm easily amused.

I do not understand God's ways, or the ways of men (and when I say men, I am being gender specific). But I know that when I'm just about to hit rock bottom, God sends some grace and fills my cup. In my 3.75 years of college, I have experienced more ups and downs than I thought possible. But I'm still alive.

Hallelujah! Grace, like rain, falls down on me.

There's a road ahead; I can feel it. But I'm making headway. Blessings to all.

up against a wall

I have the China syndrome again. My heart aches and there's nothing that can fix it, because I have no control over the situation. I got back from an insane choir tour about an hour ago, and now I am sitting here trying to keep my mind off of the difficult events of the past four days. Why did I let my walls down? Why do I get so emotionally involved in things? It was amazing...but now it's over and I can't change it. And my heart hurts...right above the empty, sinking pit in my stomach.

the night is here

Omaha was sweet. I enjoyed the time off school, although I'm screwed in terms of homework for the next week. The singing went well, and in spite of his nervous shaking, Dr. K did a great job, too. I really felt inspired by the music. Then we went to a couple of individual choir concerts (the National Lutheran Choir is amazing!) and the Peace Event, which was spiritual but not religious. The music was wonderful, but the words did not really fit my beliefs. Cool experience, however. Fun with singing, food, and friends. F-U fun!

We had another performance of Jane Eyre tonight. I found getting back into the show somewhat difficult, but the performance was good. My parents and roommates came...they are wonderful!

I shall now endeavor to sleep in preparation for the incredibly long day tomorrow. Have a good one, y'all.

go here. it's a fun distractor. i'm a wolf!

http://www.reincarnationstation.com/

how i feel

this picture is actually from my birthday in December (eating the delicious four-layer chocolate and cream cheese with oreo cake), but i needed a picture expressing how i felt today! i was wired as soon as i saw becky at chapel today. i got so excited for opening night...and all day i felt like i was on cloud nine. this has been my favorite dordt play, i think because of the small cast. the dynamics are so different with a smaller cast. i look forward to the next 5 performances. for those of you who live around here, you must come see jane eyre if for no other reason than to see a human puppy and a madwoman. and the costumes. and rochester's perm. hmmmm. just come for it all.

just a little bit

Left: Beppe and I playing duets on Christmas Eve (she's amazing)
Below: 100% roomie representation at the junior art show! Yea, Becca and Heather!






i wish...

1. i were a snowman or a penguin, because they are cool
2. i did my devotions more consistently
3. there weren't so many arrogant people
4. i could eat tons of food without paying the consequences
5. i lived in Victorian England, preferably as Elizabeth Bennet
6. the future were more clear
7. i were talented at arranging things
8. i could improve on the guitar
9. i could grow a beard just to keep my face warm when i walk outside in -11 degree weather
10. i wrote songs
11. i could figure myself out
12. i weren't so controlling
13. i could have a functional relationship, period
14. i were a velvety orange rose
15. i could read adolescent literature all day long
16. life wasn't lonely
17. i could spend more time with my brother
18. i weren't out to prove something
19. i didn't do the things i do
20. i appreciated my parents more

the heart has reasons which reason does not understand

i'm sitting here, doing homework on a friday night. i feel like a geek, but i don't mind it. it's nice to be alone and contemplate life through stacks of homework.

sometimes
i need
to get away
from

everything

i'm listening to music that i had pre-judged to be annoying and nasally, but it's growing on me. and i feel ashamed for judging it based on the person (i heart piano). why do i do what i do not want to do? paul, sometimes you make too much sense.

ooh! a survey!

This looked like fun, Nikki!

Four jobs I've had:
1. World's Worst Babysitter
2. Toilet Scrubber at Place #1, 2, 3, and 4
3. Dishwasher in hospital dietary
4. Waitress


Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Pride & Prejudice (A&E version)
2. Back to the Future trilogy
3. Yours, Mine, and Ours (with Lucille Ball)
4. Swiss Family Robinson

Four places I've lived:
1. Edgerton, MN
2. Sioux Center, IA
3. Portland, OR
4. Beijing, China


Four TV shows I love:
1. I Love Lucy
2. That 70's Show
3. House Hunters
4. Clean Sweep


Four places I've vacationed:
1. Portland, OR
2. Phoenix, AR
3. Washington state
4. Frisco and Durango, CO


Four sites I visit daily:
1. DENIS
2. Blogger/Xanga
3. NOAA (weather)
4. Dictionary.com


Four places I would rather be right now:
Well, I'm in Montana right now, but here are others:
1. Portland, OR
2. British Columbia
3. Barnes and Noble
4. Door County, WI

Montana is fun, y'all. I did yoga last night and today I helped Al teach her English class (in a British accent) and I did not die on the extremely turbulent flight from Minneapolis to Missoula. We'll see about the way back.....

one big long scream of release

Why am I posting? I do not have the time to dilly-dally. I have spent the last five days working furiously on my homework so that I am not overwhelmed when I come back from Montana. But tonight I realized that before I leave for Big Sky Country, I have 3 hours of play practice which will be full of newly memorized scenes. Newly memorized? Try "I haven't started memorizing yet!" Send up a prayer for my sanity. Al, see you in 24!

carpe homework!

The blocking for the play is finally done! WHOO-HOO!!!! Today's practice was quite drudgerous, but we slogged through. Now we have to be off book by Thursday.

I'm leaving for Montana on Wednesday, but I'm paying for it. I have mucho to do before I leave so that I don't feel completely overwhelmed when I get back. And now I'm having two coaching sessions with Teresa and Sarah for the play before I go. I don't mind, except that I won't get to eat on Wednesday until I get to Montana. It will be a very long day. But I can't wait to see Al! I think this weekend will totally rock, right, sistuh? (You will have to help me a little with my lines....oh, bugger!)

As a side note: Playing plastic soccer in an obstacle-ridden kitchen with a dancing-queen roommate after a long day of play practice is fun. Full of jollity.

Carpe homework (and get it away from me!)

silly roommates and other enigmas

(weird giggle with Shannon)

I have strange co-inhabitants. Strange yet delightfully fun. The conversation went like this:

Andrea: So much butter.
Heather: I want to lick it or rub it all over my body.

That's just one sample of the insanity over here in D6. No, really....we're normal.

I am finding mucho happiness in this semester. I am discovering how much I enjoy living with people, and my class load is not so overwhelming! Busy, but with less homework than I anticipated. Of course, it's only the third week of classes. I'm enjoying using British dialect for Jane Eyre (and in everyday conversation as well). I'm taking three electives this semester, and I like reading kids' books for homework. I'm visiting Al next weekend, and this picture is just a preview of the fun we're gonna have!

Well, I guess I'll mosey to the library and do some homework. Oh...tomorrow we're getting a bunch of people in our aesthetics class to dress to the nines...surprise, Henderson!

someday joelle will return

Oh, delightful weather! How I love thee! I had a nice chat about the fine weather with the guy from Fareway who carried out my groceries for me. By the way, how cool is the grocery courtesy thing? That's not really a question; it's a vociferous statement with inappropriate punctuation behind it....but if I ended the sentence with an exclamation point, I would get chewed on by my English people.

For supper tonight I made vegetable soup with little letters; mine spelled 'Rob.' I'm not sure what that means, except that it may refer to Sarah's newly acquired pin-up boy. We also had corn, biscuits, and a wet roommate (but we decided to let her go before we ate her. She was grateful).

Newsies! Happy movie! I listened to the soundtrack as I pretended to cook this afternoon. It makes me tap dance.
Pulitzer may own The World but he don't own us!
Pulitzer may crack the whip but he won't whip us!

Joelle was not in class this morning, but she was supposed to be. I'm worried about her...maybe Fargo, North Dakota captured her and will not release her until it receives an exhorbitant amount of beaver pelts for ransom. Be-ey!

Enough sitting around doing nothing except blogsurfing. It is time I go to the library and read about French theatre until 1700 (that's the title, not how long I have to read it. If I had to read until 1700, I would be reading for a very long time). Stupid ambiguous clauses.

blessings

these are the ones for today, in somewhat chronological order:

1. wearing a favorite old comfy shirt
2. sunlit frost on the trees and grass against a bright blue sky
3. reading wonderful books in Children's Lit and discovering in myself a desire to be an artistic child again
4. no theatre class due to ACTF, therefore I got to eat at noon and have a lovely discussion on marital relationships with occupants of D6 and F3
5. remembering the excitement of being an idealistic education student
6. walking quickly to the BJH in wonderful anticipation of playing piano and letting my cares slide away through my fingers
7. giggling with my fellow horns in band and getting complimented on my old comfy shirt
8. eating sticky rice with chili with my roommates (I wasn't eating my roommates, I was eating WITH them...gosh)
9. reading Charlotte's Web...for homework! Dude! How cool is that?
10. feeding my emotional being with Win a Date With Tad Hamilton...I consider myself well fed!
11. having a dad who will bring me my forgotten tennis shoes when I have a soccer game in 10 minutes
12. an amazingly painful yet refreshing game of indoor soccer in which I played keeper and didn't completely suck
13. coming home to roommates that I love!

These are just for today. And I know I left a bunch out. I think I may try to post a thanksgiving list more often so I don't become grumpy in my old age. I hope a list like this will bring a smile to other faces as well.

And now I will stretch before I die of stiffness.

rollercoasters

Do you ever feel used by people? They only become your friends for their own ulterior motives, and when they get what they want, they stop acting like a friend? I would have guessed we would leave these kinds of friendships back in junior high, but here I am, a senior in college, and they are still here, still causing frustration and hurt. Some days I just want to bury myself in bed and never face the world again. But then I have times where I feel connected to others; we understand one another, and even though life can suck, it can be good, too. So we continue to push on through the suckiness.

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on
And we're still fightin' it
We're still fightin' it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry.

I never liked rollercoasters when I was little. I stuck to the carousels...the simple, predictable, and safe round and round. Finally, when I was ten, my aunt and uncle dragged me on the Orient Express at Worlds of Fun. (They regretted it when they saw how green I was on the steep incline before the plunge.) I despised it. And then I avoided roller coasters for years. Once I got to high school, I tried the tamer roller coasters (a few ups and downs, but no corkscrews or twists). I kept wishing that I was brave enough to try the scary ones, but I would chicken out before my friends could get me to the front of the line. Then, when I was 20 years old, I worked up the courage to get on a mountaintop corkscrew rollercoaster in the Smoky Mountains. I screamed "Shit!" the whole time...but I went back three more times before the day was over, reliving the terror of the endless climb, the dark plunge, the flash of light, and the upside-down suspension.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going through life screaming "Shit!" I can only hope it will be worth the ride.

there's gotta be something more

more than school, more than routine, more than competition and callousness. why do we settle for less? we could reach beyond ourselves but we don't. we insist on staying in our own little worlds, content to post meaningless chatter on technological bulletin boards. does anyone really care what is on these posts? they are not worth the trouble they cause. and yet, we hope that people stumble across our words and find something worthwhile and attractive in them. pretense.

i think that's why i love pride and prejudice...it challenges the pretense of character and exposes people for who they really are through time and experience. each time i watch pride and prejudice (the real one), i fall in love with it. elizabeth bennet is unassuming, rational, calm, and collected in everything she says and does. no one walks all over her...she has spunk. yet there is a genuine kindness and intellect in her spirit; she wants to do the right thing. i admire her for being who she is. too bad i can't be as eloquent as jane austen has allowed miss eliza bennett to be:

"Yes, my youngest [sister] is not sixteen. Perhaps she is full young to be much in company. But really, ma'am, I think it would be very hard upon younger sisters, that they should not have their share of society and amusement, because the elder may not have the means or inclination to marry early. The lastborn has as good a right to the pleasures of youth as the first. And to be kept back on such a motive! I think it would not be very likely to promote sisterly affection or delicacy of mind."

there she goes, railing against the societal restraints of the time period, and in such an intellectual way that not many (besides lady catherine de bourgh) can argue her logic. i think jane austen had quite a bit of spunk herself. and to be spunky is a wonderful thing, as evidenced by beppe.

back to simple and relaxing life in toronto. a walk to the lake is in order, followed by reading, napping, and baking bread. mmmm. happy 2006 to anyone who happens upon my blog. = )