remembering

putting flowers on Pake's grave

singularity

I have been single most of my life. And recently, I have been experiencing the "everyone in the world is dating/engaged/married except for me" syndrome. It sucks. Because even though I'm happy being single, I feel as though I shouldn't be happy. Sure, I want to get married someday, but I feel so far behind everyone else. I found out this past weekend that FOUR MORE of my high school classmates recently had babies. What the crap????

Is this all there is? I was searching for apartments online today and I drifted into the personal ads just to look (JUST to look). And there were a ton of ads! Some of them were funny, many were creepy, most had lazy spelling (which I cannot stand) and one of them stuck out more than the others: "Married man, 40, seeking married woman to cheat."

Now I am commitment-phobic and I understand why marriage is a tough thing...you can't always go with your feelings. Often you just have to stick with your promises you made on your wedding day. But just because I'm a commitment-phobe does not mean I don't believe in marriage. I do. Completely. And it makes me sick to think about people openly cheating. No wonder I'm freaked out about marriage when everywhere around me there are signs of failed marriages.

And yet there are signs of good marriages everywhere, too. Most people I am in close contact with are in successful relationships. Not that any of them are perfect. At all. But these people commit themselves. They promise to stick by each other through everything, even when they don't feel the same love they felt 5, 15, or 50 years earlier.

So--I don't know what my conclusion is. I'm not sure what my point is. I guess I just want to know that someday I will be able to fully commit myself to someone in spite of all the scary things that may come our way. And until then, I am drifting in the sometimes lonely but content realm of singularity.

the days go slowly by

the boys caught a walleye...
he broke his dad's fishing rod...hmmm...

Today I went fishing with my West Sioux students. It was hot and windy and at least I didn't have to touch any icky worms.
Then I went to Tulip Festival. My nephews were sticky and cute. Pictures to come (after I actually take some tomorrow).
Post-graduation life feels strangely like my other college summers, except it is involving much less money-making. And a lot more eating. Boo for decreasing metabolism. Hello, Wally.
Well, I guess I'll go read a book.

graduation in pictures

me & walhof--one more year, buddy!
me & sam
the after party: becca & sarah
grandpa & i (i got some surprise guests on friday afternoon!)
me & chad--ed 267 buddies

lq & i
jeriel, me & b me, heather, & becca
last night as students--sarah, jeriel, me
sv 407 + 1: me, becCA!, smarah, leather hink, nissi, slarah, b
heather & me (why's your diploma shut, h?)
phil & i
dad, trav, tami, mom, & i

the last awesome weekend

sam, andrea, bhaak, & jeriel at tea time
vern with the living sculptures (melissa & becky)

Yes...the last awesome weekend has come and gone, but hopefully it kicks off an equally or more awesome summer! I am now unofficially graduated--my portfolio is turned in, my evaluations are done....the only things I need to do now are save all my G:/ stuff, turn in my mail key, and accept a signed diploma. Oh...and find a grad dress. I'm having issues with that. Whoever designs dresses nowadays does not design them for me. I may have to settle for a half a dress (a skirt).

Yesterday Phil and I were roped into taking lots of pictures of two girls covered in clay...in the name of art (see picture above). Typical Monday.

Josh slaughtered me in tennis today.

The picture-moving within the blog did not work. I don't know why. Grrr.

That is all.

aughhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do a devil's dance on the highway

Storytime with Larry!

(Title: Paul, what does that mean?)

A few notes:

1. Excellent weekend. Excellent. Beautiful weather and only 3 days left at West Sioux (now only 2!) VERY LOUD, EXCITED SHRIEKING!!!

2. OJK has good lyrics now that I can understand them.

3. Graduation is in 11 days. Um, wow.

4. I like playing catch, except when my muscles hurt from disuse and then lots of use.

5. Spring is a fun time. However, it is not conducive to getting work done.

6. Maybe I will do nothing tonight. That's right, nothing.

7. Nutty bars are tasty, especially when they are free and the school janitor gives them to you because he's friggin' awesome.

8. How the heck do you post pictures in the middle of the text? I can only ever get it to post at the beginning. Me no likey.

9. This list is supposed to be a good diversion. I hope you lasted through it.

something important should go here

• 5 more days. Hoo-ray. And I will feel on top of the world--or at least on top of a roof.
• My nephew turns 6 tomorrow. I feel old.
• Commiserating in the Bean is fun.
• Chocolate really does improve the moods of women.
• Cleaning my bathroom makes me feel competent. And nice-smelling.
• I like pants. Particularly when they star in books.
  

had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view

i love fresh air.

things need changin' everywhere you go

there are problems everywhere. being finished at west sioux will not solve all of my problems because i will face them in lynden as well. i want to stop counting down days and enjoy what i have right now, because life isn't perfect anywhere and i might as well be content whatever the circumstances.
graduation is less than 4 weeks away. it seems so far from now, but i'm always amazed at how quickly time goes. time is a funny thing. i can't believe i've been at west sioux for a month already (although in the same respect, i've been there forever). i think i've grown for the better while there because i've experienced a wide variety of issues i may not have faced in a christian school. but now that i don't have the christian aspect in school, it means so much more on sunday. today in church we remembered the power of easter. easter was last week, but it is by no means over. every day, we have the chance to experience christ's victory over death by accepting his love, grace, and forgiveness.
lord, who am i?

easter weekend

Sarah, Philip, David, myself, & Lauralee count our loot from the Easter egg hunt.

Heather & Becca at their art show opening

You know what's a good tradition? Easter egg hunts. I know they really have nothing to do with Easter, but have you ever seen college students race for chocolate eggs? Hilarious. And delicious! And today's Easter dinner was great. The people we had over were wonderful and easy to talk to...thanks, everybody!

I'm getting excited to move out to Lynden. I am looking forward to re-establishing relationships and getting out on my own. At the moment, I'm working on a couple of people, trying to convince them to move out with me. (Heather? Lauralee? Sarah?) After all, WA is a cool state and cool people should live there with me.

But first, finishing at West Sioux. During today's nap, I had a nightmare about West Sioux. I woke up and tried to be grateful for what it actually is rather than what was portrayed in my dream...

Spring break is agreeing with me. I like breaks. And I don't have to go to school until Tuesday! It's been relaxing--except for the grading I still have to do.

Leftover mashed potatoes!!!

of shoes and ships and ceiling wax

Lynnea, Sarah M, Kelsi, Denise, & Sarah VD race to finish their bottles at the baby shower
BBQ in the alley!
Mmm, we're so carnivorous.

This weekend I attended a baby shower for Rosh and Shannon--I can't believe they're going to be mothers! Heather came down for the shower and the Peasants concert and the Sunday night post-church BBQ which is quickly becoming a tradition. Mmmeat.



Life at West Sioux continues to be frustrating and occasionally good. I feel that it's not helping me learn much about teaching, since my cooperating teacher (what a loosely coined term) doesn't seem to think I'm terribly capable. I can't wait until she has another student teacher who sucks--then she'll miss me. Oh, well. 19 more days. Anyone can survive that, right? RIGHT?

On another note, the weather has again turned bitterly cold. Oh, Iowa.

...six random things

1. I enjoy sinking my feet into thick, flooshy carpet.
2. My favorite part of eating a brownie is when I put a huge chunk in my mouth and I can't even find my tongue.
3. When I wash my hands, I have to wait for the water to get excruciatingly hot before turning it off because hot water makes me feel cozy and happy.
4. When I was two, I crossed the street and fell asleep under my neighbor's tree. My mom didn't even know I was gone until the neighbor rang the doorbell and asked her, "Does this belong to you?"
5. I clean and organize my room for fun.
6. I used to be a fundamentalist; when my kindergarten boyfriend kissed me at school, I told on him.

And...count it!

i'll always be your love if you'll always be mine

I am officially employed for next year--in Lynden! I got my first-choice job at Ebenezer Christian and on Friday, I accepted it. I'm excited to see all the wonderful people I met this winter and spend more time with them. Moving indefinitely is a little scary, because I know I will miss my family. But I also know I have "family" out there, too.

Come rain or come shine....

angel, you were born to fly

Making decisions is difficult.

omahoma

Re-living the Desert Dome experience: Dre and the Lizard of Death!
Josh and Dre cozy up with Phil and his relatives
St. Patrick's Day in Old Market: Andrea & Sheryl
Happy Birthday, Phil!
The most Josh-ish look I've ever seen...and I captured it!
Becca, Dre, Heather, & Andrea at the Omaha Zoo


Fun times in Omaha this weekend...much-needed fun times! Phil, Josh, Heather, Becca, and I drove down to visit Dre and her friends. We hit the zoo, the Joslyn Art Museum, and Old Market (where Scott & Sheryl joined us). Ahh, reunions. They are lovely. Best weekend I've had in a long time!

And I'm in the middle of making tough decisions about where to take a job next year. I'm still hoping for Washington, but we'll see what God has in store. I am doing lots of praying this week.

Quote of the day: If every day is an awakening, you will never grow old. --Gail Sheehy
(Thank you, Dordt planner.)

things i want to do before i die

in no particular order

-own a kickass dog
-name a crayon color
-write a fortune for a Chinese fortune cookie
-fall asleep in a field of grass and wake up in a winter wonderland
-teach in more than one school
-waitress in a small-town diner where everyone's a regular
-visit Jhesica in Bolivia
-learn to develop my own photos
-bake a quiche
-visit Scotland and hear some bagpipes
-become flexible and learn ballet steps
-kiss a man I'm in love with
-sleep under the stars
-get rid of everything except the absolute bare necessities and live ascetically for a week
-direct a play
-build a snow fort
-get up on water skis
-start a fire without matches
-sing and play piano simultaneosly
-conquer the F chord on the guitar
-drive to Montana alone
-sew a skirt
-build a chair
-cut someone's hair without losing a friendship
-create a piece of art I'm so proud of I keep it in my living room in a place of honor
-lay on Vos' happy happy carpet again
-keep a plant alive

i forgot....

...what being angry feels like.

the Lord moves in mysterious ways

Al and I before she left on Sunday. We are definitely sisters.
Our traditional geeky "We're in Canada!" picture

Al and I had a great time in Vancouver/Victoria. I still hurt from contra-dancing, though. Yay for waltzing with a 75-year-old man!

It's the end of things here, for now. I have an interview at an area school tonight...I hope it goes well. I would love to come back. I am already having a hard time saying goodbye to teachers, students, and "family."

I am blessed.

orcas island

A good foreshadowing of the day ahead....
Amidst the wake....
A car eerily appears......


The theme of Al's and my "vacation" so far is "Are you kidding me?"

I'm not sure I can share all the stories, but after an eventful trip from Missoula (see Al's blog), Al arrived safely on Wednesday night around 11. Yesterday I took her to see the Lynden sights, and 20 minutes later, we were on the road. = ) We took a lovely ferry ride from Anacortes out to Orcas Island, and spent 6 interesting hours there. Yes, interesting. We traversed every single road on the island (including the private drives....whoops). For the 6 hours we were on the island, we were in the car for about 5.25 of them.