this is your life

I listened to Switchfoot this morning. It reminds me of driving to Rock Valley very early in the morning for my 60-hour practicum. "This is your life; are you who you wanna be?"

I think I'm on my way to becoming who I want to be but have always been scared of being. Each morning I wake up and find things to love about my new surroundings, but it's much more work than waking up at home in Sioux Center. I know I won't be able to see the people I've seen so often for my whole life, and that makes me sad. But then I meet other people who are wonderful and I feel confirmed in being here. Yet I'm a little lonely.

I have a feeling I will love my job and I will love my kids. I just need to get into the groove. I hate not being able to watch the Twins game with my dad (these sickos out here all cheer for the Mariners!) and I hate not being able to get a hug from my mother and I hate not being able to run across the alley and hang out with Phil and the other guys next door. I hate the cloudy weather and seeing all kinds of families spending time together because I'm jealous.

I love walking on our cushy living room carpet. I love my pink shower. I love the Febreze smell in my bathroom. I love being able to say, "I'm Andrea De Jong. I'm the new teacher at Ebenezer" and hear the response, "Oh, wonderful! I've heard about you! I/my kids/grandkids went to Ebenezer and it's just like one big family!" I loved getting a phone call from one of my students' dads yesterday and being greeted as "Miss De Jong." I love that the weather is not unbearably hot and that right now, I'm wearing jeans and a sweater. I love feeling independent and knowing that I chose this place and this job and that God wants me here and He will bless me.

I'm not sure the loves outweigh the hates yet, but I'm not feeling intensely homesick. I can function. I have people to talk to. I have a purpose here. I miss you all and hate the thought that many of you will be together at Dordt without me in a couple of weeks, but I recognize that this is my life right now. I'm capable of changing it and accepting the changes God brings my way.

seasons are changing

This is only one side of our yard...it's huge!
A small part of our huge living room
My teeny-tiny closet bathroom with standing room for one
My home-theatre bedroom...notice the levels?
The bottom level of my bedroom...see the projector screen?

I am now on the other side of the country. I'm sitting in Woods Coffee, enjoying a mate latte and some great coffee shop music while looking out on the mountains in the sunshine. While it's beautiful, I still miss my friends and family. Saying goodbye was difficult, but my last one (to my parents) was yesterday. Now I just have lots of hellos to say. = )

Downfalls of the move:

1. missing the familiar

2. seeing my bedroom for the first time and seeing only gray and black under fluorescent lighting

3. panicking about the future and whether or not I am actually capable of teaching

4. realizing that my parents had to leave and couldn't stay and play Dutch bingo forever

5. finding out that i have creepy neighbors who whistle at me and try to get my phone number

Highlights of the move:

1. Spending quality time with Mom in the car for 1,650 miles and with both Mom and Dad for almost a week

2. Realizing how generous and loving my parents are

3. playing "Dutch bingo on steroids" for 3 days straight

4. Going to church and getting tons of greetings from people who remember me

5. Discovering one of my roommates loves I Love Lucy and Yours, Mine, and Ours....and The Office!

6. Finding my own way here in Lynden...I'm capable of more than I give myself credit for

7. Making my room a completely different space with the help of my parents...homey and cozy!

8. Having a wonderful phone conversation with a friend and realizing that while I miss people, this move is going to be a good one for me.

*Edit: Sorry I didn't have a "before" picture of my room. It was too depressing.

help me

family reunion: al, dillan, & i after hiking around devil's lake in wisconsin
the three musketeers: andrea, brittany, & kyla

I'm moving in a week. Change is a tough thing. I'm evaluating my entire life in Sioux Center and realizing that it will never be the same coming back. I wonder if it will always feel like home to me, or if that will change. Maybe I'll have two homes. That would not be a bad thing.

To all those out there who are facing big changes, I feel for you. Uncertainty is scary. But as my mother said this afternoon, without change, we can't grow. I rolled my eyes when she said this. And we both know it's trite. But you know what? Trite means that it's overstated, and that means it's true. And when I look back at the last 5 years of my life, I realize that I have grown a lot. Not without pain and frustration and heartache, but I've survived it. And a dear friend reminded me today that we don't do any of this on our own.

Lord, help me walk

Another mile, just one more mile;

I'm tired of walkin' all alone.

Lord, help me smile

Another smile, just one more smile;

You know I just can't make it on my own.

I never thought I needed help before;

I thought that I could get by - by myself.

Now I know I just can't take it any more.

With a humble heart, on bended knee,

I'm beggin' You, please, help me.

Come down from Your golden

And throne to me, to lowly me;

I need to feel the touch of Your tender hand.

Remove the chains of darkness

Let me see, Lord let me see;

Just where I fit into your master plan.

I never thought I needed help before;

I thought that I could get by - by myself.

Now I know I just can't take it any more.

With a humble heart, on bended knee,

I'm beggin' You, please, help me.

--Johnny Cash

in the dictionary...

Andrea -- [noun]: A deadly strain of projectiile vomit 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

did i hear a niner?

I am in Wisconsin at our ninth family reunion. We started the tradition when I was six years old...every two years my mom's parents and their offspring get together at some sort of resort and chill and argue and eat and make fun of each other and play cards and eat and talk and swim and eat.

This year, we have six little fourth-generation-ers. SIX. They are seven, six, three, two, one, and 2 1/2 weeks. Needless to say, there is LOTS of noise. Granted, there always was lots of noise at our reunions because my extended family has hot air in excess. But I love them. And we have six huge condos, so there's always space to hide away.

Today, a bunch of my cousins and the little kids went swimming. We ran into two Dordt grads. One of them was in my class. It was crazy and random.

Back to vacationing. You may all be jealous now.

a count

bowls of mac & cheese left cold on the counter: 1
phone calls that i didn't answer: 3
bumps on the head acquired by a 6-year-old from his little brother smashing a chair in his face: 1
tearful outbursts: 3 (including my own)
games of shrek uno played: 9
games of life played: 1
hours of tv as background noise: 4
loads of laundry done: 1
hours of sleep: 4.5

*edit* most of the sleep occurred before i started babysitting...

...and your name is....?

I've had a lot of exposure to mothers lately. Babysitting my nephews has brought me into the realm of young motherhood, where women live to cart their children around to various activities. This morning, T-ball. I sat on my blanket, keeping one eye on my two-year-old nephew as he ran around a tree, and one eye on my six-year-old nephew as he ran around playing ball, which left both of my ears open to hear the conversations around me.

"I swear, he's grown three inches since last week! He's outgrown his pajamas, and now he's always cold downstairs because the bottoms only come down to his calves!"

"Well, I had to take ____ to dance class, and then run ____ here to play ball..."

"My boy wakes up early no matter what time he goes to bed. He went to sleep at 10:30 last night, and was awake at 5 a.m. because he had a bad dream!"

I'm on the edge. I don't really belong to the club. I'm only a part-timer--watching my nephews during the day twice a week. The other moms ignore me on my blanket as they sit in their lawn chairs and gab about dentist appointments and parent-teacher conferences. They don't recognize me (although I know I'll see them at swimming lessons in an hour). They call my nephews by name but don't ask for mine. The only time they acknowledge me is when their nine-month-old daughter crawls towards my lap or their 3-year-old son swings a bat a little too close to my head. Even then, it's a quick smile as they gather up their offspring and return them to the safety of their strollers and tot chairs.

I'm not a mother...but my name is Andrea.

away

For the third weekend in four weeks, I am going away. This is the most exotic place yet. California and Montana, step aside. Lake Pahoja's taking over. I don't think it knows what is about to hit it.

montana in pictures

road trip crew at rushmore: andrea, sarah, phil, dave
couldn't go through mitchell, sd, w/out getting a shot of the world's ONLY corn palace!
me and the bride being all sexy and stuff
me & al--sisters and cohorts in craziness!

al not following yellowstone national park directions
sarah, al, & phil on the yellowstone trails
sarah and i take a break on I-90 east
we went to wall drug and all we got was soaked!
kendra and nate: sunlight blessing
unexpectedly wet in yellowstone

a vacation in pictures

day 1: bumped up to first class from salt lake city to sacramento--yeah, baby!
day 2: babysitting with the bride--we're going west on the wagon train!
day 3: more friends! yay! phil, laura, me, becca, sarah
day 4: the wedding! former d6ers--becca, laura, me, sarah, nikki
still day 4: mr. & mrs. elgersma
and it's still day 4: i caught the bouquet; sarah didn't appreciate my shoving her out of the way (notice this is the ONLY picture EVER of sarah not smiling)
day 5: becca grazes at casa de fruta--naughty!
mark faces danger at casa de fruta
mark, me, and philip boogie-boarding in the pacific
...and sarah's stuck in the wetsuit

day 6: the van dyken boys at yosemite
heather, we have not forgotten you!
sarah, me, becca at bridalveil falls in yosemite
day 7: winery #2
day 9: we skipped day 8 because day 8 sucked, which is why philip is sleeping on the airport floor here in denver

wave goodbye

Today was our last day in CA. Tomorrow afternoon we fly back to Iowa. I feel as though I've been in California for a very long time, and I like it. Phil and I hit up three wineries today and tasted about 15 wines. Interestingly, the worker at one of the wineries was born in LeMars. Hmm.

Then we bought fudge in Columbia, a little historical gold mining town.

Then we went to a Van Dyken cousins shin-dig and ate and watched a video and hot-tubbed and jumped in the debris-filled albeit nice pool.

I'm not ready to go back yet.

one wedding and no funerals...yet

I am in California. The best part was when Phil and I got upgraded to first class for FREE on our flight from Salt Lake City to Sacramento. Sa-weet.

The bride and I baby-sat 4 rambunctious children for several hours yesterday while the boys lolly-gagged on a boat. Ahh, gender roles. But Sarah and I had fun, especially when the day ended and we were still alive.

Decorating the church/reception yard today, and a wedding tomorrow (d.v.) We'll see if everyone survives...

remembering

putting flowers on Pake's grave

singularity

I have been single most of my life. And recently, I have been experiencing the "everyone in the world is dating/engaged/married except for me" syndrome. It sucks. Because even though I'm happy being single, I feel as though I shouldn't be happy. Sure, I want to get married someday, but I feel so far behind everyone else. I found out this past weekend that FOUR MORE of my high school classmates recently had babies. What the crap????

Is this all there is? I was searching for apartments online today and I drifted into the personal ads just to look (JUST to look). And there were a ton of ads! Some of them were funny, many were creepy, most had lazy spelling (which I cannot stand) and one of them stuck out more than the others: "Married man, 40, seeking married woman to cheat."

Now I am commitment-phobic and I understand why marriage is a tough thing...you can't always go with your feelings. Often you just have to stick with your promises you made on your wedding day. But just because I'm a commitment-phobe does not mean I don't believe in marriage. I do. Completely. And it makes me sick to think about people openly cheating. No wonder I'm freaked out about marriage when everywhere around me there are signs of failed marriages.

And yet there are signs of good marriages everywhere, too. Most people I am in close contact with are in successful relationships. Not that any of them are perfect. At all. But these people commit themselves. They promise to stick by each other through everything, even when they don't feel the same love they felt 5, 15, or 50 years earlier.

So--I don't know what my conclusion is. I'm not sure what my point is. I guess I just want to know that someday I will be able to fully commit myself to someone in spite of all the scary things that may come our way. And until then, I am drifting in the sometimes lonely but content realm of singularity.

the days go slowly by

the boys caught a walleye...
he broke his dad's fishing rod...hmmm...

Today I went fishing with my West Sioux students. It was hot and windy and at least I didn't have to touch any icky worms.
Then I went to Tulip Festival. My nephews were sticky and cute. Pictures to come (after I actually take some tomorrow).
Post-graduation life feels strangely like my other college summers, except it is involving much less money-making. And a lot more eating. Boo for decreasing metabolism. Hello, Wally.
Well, I guess I'll go read a book.

graduation in pictures

me & walhof--one more year, buddy!
me & sam
the after party: becca & sarah
grandpa & i (i got some surprise guests on friday afternoon!)
me & chad--ed 267 buddies

lq & i
jeriel, me & b me, heather, & becca
last night as students--sarah, jeriel, me
sv 407 + 1: me, becCA!, smarah, leather hink, nissi, slarah, b
heather & me (why's your diploma shut, h?)
phil & i
dad, trav, tami, mom, & i