a morning resolve

for the last several months, my routine has changed significantly. getting married, losing my job, becoming a substitute teacher with a constantly changing schedule, i never know what my day will hold. i've tried to keep it safe. on the days i don't teach, i spent too much time on the internet and not enough time engaging my mind and my senses with God and his creation.

it's difficult for me to be proud of the way i spend my time when i feel that i'm spending it avoiding things (a tough day at work, uncertainty, things i think are terrifying which probably are not). i've decided that in order to be proud of myself, i have to act in ways i would be proud of. amazing how that works.

last week, i signed up to pray for a man in our church who has been in prison for many years. while in prison, his life has completely changed and he now leads Bible studies for other men in prison. each year when his parole comes up for review, it is shot down and he continues to lead this study for another year. his parole is coming up again next month and over 100 members of our church has committed to praying for him one hour a week for four weeks. at first, i thought it would be really tough to find a specific time to do this, and i wasn't sure how i wanted to break it up. however, with philip's new job requiring him to be up at 5:15, we now go to bed at 9:00. i have decided that whether or not i have a job, i'm going to get up at 5:45, have the job site on the internet up, and spend that time waiting in prayer rather than cruising facebook.

on monday i prayed for this man for 40 minutes. it was incredible. i prayed scripture, my prayers went on tangents as the Spirit worked through me, and i felt like i was being the truest version of myself. i remember that my pake used to get up at 4 or 5 every morning and spend an hour in prayer for his family members. that always struck a chord with me. it reminded me of how prayer should be: unselfish, done in private (not as a show), and sincere. i don't intend to make a show of my rejuvenated prayer life. i merely wanted to share that i have been missing out for too long.

while we were on break at choir rehearsal last night, i read the following Anglican prayer on one of the bulletin boards:

A Morning Resolve

"I will try this day to live a simple, sincere, and serene life, repelling promptly every thought of discontent, anxiety, discouragement, impurity, and self-seekng; cultivating cheerfulness, magnanimity, charity, and the habit of holy silence; exercising economy in expenditure, generosity in giving, carefulness in conversation, diligence in appointed service, fidelity to every trust, and a childlike faith in God.
In particular, I will try to be faithful in those habits of prayer, work, study, physical exercise, eating, and sleep which I believe the Holy Spirit has shown me to be right.
And as I cannot in my own strength do this, nor even with a hope of success attempt it, I look to thee, O Lord God my Father, in Jesus my Savior, and ask for the gift of the Holy Spirit."

it's quite the list, but i like lists that give me things to work on. i hope this list will help me be proud of how i spend my time. and i think i'll start by praying for God's strength.


Ain't got time to die

A few notes about our busy month of March:

  • Dad & Mom are here! We've had a great visit so far; our time has included lovely walks around Bellingham, a delicious bay-side seafood dinner, baking time, a stop at the Pickett House down the road, worshiping together, eating dinner with Grandpa & Grandma Haveman, and seeing the DC concert choir perform in Abbotsford. A side note: It's nice to be pampered once in awhile by my parents. :)
  • I'm really getting into reading books of the Bible, thanks to my husband and small group. I'm learning things about exegesis & hermeneutics I never knew before (including their definitions). I don't remember ever feeling anything besides obligation regarding Bible reading in the past, and now it's exciting to me that I enjoy it and am learning from it.
  • Work is slow (for me) this week due to parent-teacher conferences. I am looking forward to subbing for my friend Laura this week Friday! I'm realizing that I'm getting sick of subbing. I actually don't mind the actual classroom time...that's the fun part. I hate the instability and the not-knowing and getting up early and looking at a screen and having an inner battle each time a job comes up...to click or not to click? I much prefer being pre-assigned to jobs. It makes getting up easier and more rewarding.
  • Ophy is an enjoyable pet. I love having a cat.
  • I'm feeling frustrated with our upcoming concert this weekend. I feel overwhelmed by German and fast-paced gypsy songs. I have not put the work into this repertoire that it deserves, which makes me more miserable about it.
  • Philip's family shows up Thursday, shortly after my parents leave. I love showing off our new apartment and neighborhood. It's rewarding.
  • Happy birthday to my wonderful husband! I love you, Philip!