recent thoughts that have been plaguing my head

random photo from Eurotour....Andrea sandwich!

I've been thinking lately about the transition I'm about to go through. Soon I will really be gone from Sioux Center, the place I've known for my entire life, and thrown into the big lonely world. I'm pretty terrified, but I'm pretending it's not about to happen. Or I'm trying to prepare myself but I'm not sure how. I don't know if I'll make friends or if I'll like the job I get (assuming I get a job) or where I'll get a job or if I'll find a church that I feel welcomed in or if I'll live alone or with someone else. Sometimes I wish I were married or at least dating someone....somehow the transition would be easier if I knew I weren't doing it alone. But maybe I'll end up being braver than the people who have someone to hang onto.

I'm not sure where I fit anymore. I don't belong at home, even though I live there....I spend as little time there as possible. I'm a floater...a drifter. I hope I can find a place that enfolds me and makes me feel the presence of God. A tall order, I know.

Sometimes trust doesn't feel like a big enough word to keep me going.


the end of an era

Well, I'm done with band forever. Weird. I thought I was done with band forever after high school, but then I ended up playing in community band every summer since and then I joined concert band last year. Last year band made life busy, but good, too. I'm glad I got to go to Europe and meet wonderful people. But I'm glad I played through the POPS concert. Last night was incredibly fun! And the horns actually won the costume contest because of our rockin' costumes!
Last night, the Bean hosted an informal student poetry reading. I read some stuff (not my own), and the atmosphere was fun. The highlight of the night was either when Jeriel taught me to salsa as we shared headphones from his MP3 player, or when Katy, Leesa, and I made up nasty limericks about Dordt men.
Tonight, Comedy League and a party celebrating Laura D's presence (my platypus!) A good weekend, I think.



Now you know the worst
We humans have to know
About ourselves, and I am sorry

For I know that you will be afraid.
To those of our bodies given
Without pity to be burned, I know

There is no answer
But loving one another,
Even our enemies, and this is hard.

But remember:
When a man of war becomes a man of peace,
He gives a light, divine
Though it is also human.When a man of peace is killed
By a man of war, he gives a light.

You do not have to walk in darkness,
If you will have the courage for love,
You may walk in light.

It will be the light of those who have suffered
For peace. It will be your light.

--Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems


the Lord moves in mysterious ways; His wonders to perform

God has an interesting sense of humor. Audition results turned out much differently than I expected, but not really in a bad way. This time around, I feel very confident that God has bigger plans for me than I had for myself. If not, I'm building character right here and now.
Yet I'm curious: why is it that sometimes I feel capable of facing the unexpected, and sometimes I'm utterly terrified?
Well, today I feel capable. And I love rainy Saturdays. Especially when Mom's baking brownies.