putting flowers on Pake's grave



I have been single most of my life. And recently, I have been experiencing the "everyone in the world is dating/engaged/married except for me" syndrome. It sucks. Because even though I'm happy being single, I feel as though I shouldn't be happy. Sure, I want to get married someday, but I feel so far behind everyone else. I found out this past weekend that FOUR MORE of my high school classmates recently had babies. What the crap????

Is this all there is? I was searching for apartments online today and I drifted into the personal ads just to look (JUST to look). And there were a ton of ads! Some of them were funny, many were creepy, most had lazy spelling (which I cannot stand) and one of them stuck out more than the others: "Married man, 40, seeking married woman to cheat."

Now I am commitment-phobic and I understand why marriage is a tough thing...you can't always go with your feelings. Often you just have to stick with your promises you made on your wedding day. But just because I'm a commitment-phobe does not mean I don't believe in marriage. I do. Completely. And it makes me sick to think about people openly cheating. No wonder I'm freaked out about marriage when everywhere around me there are signs of failed marriages.

And yet there are signs of good marriages everywhere, too. Most people I am in close contact with are in successful relationships. Not that any of them are perfect. At all. But these people commit themselves. They promise to stick by each other through everything, even when they don't feel the same love they felt 5, 15, or 50 years earlier.

So--I don't know what my conclusion is. I'm not sure what my point is. I guess I just want to know that someday I will be able to fully commit myself to someone in spite of all the scary things that may come our way. And until then, I am drifting in the sometimes lonely but content realm of singularity.


the days go slowly by

the boys caught a walleye...
he broke his dad's fishing rod...hmmm...

Today I went fishing with my West Sioux students. It was hot and windy and at least I didn't have to touch any icky worms.
Then I went to Tulip Festival. My nephews were sticky and cute. Pictures to come (after I actually take some tomorrow).
Post-graduation life feels strangely like my other college summers, except it is involving much less money-making. And a lot more eating. Boo for decreasing metabolism. Hello, Wally.
Well, I guess I'll go read a book.


graduation in pictures

me & walhof--one more year, buddy!
me & sam
the after party: becca & sarah
grandpa & i (i got some surprise guests on friday afternoon!)
me & chad--ed 267 buddies

lq & i
jeriel, me & b me, heather, & becca
last night as students--sarah, jeriel, me
sv 407 + 1: me, becCA!, smarah, leather hink, nissi, slarah, b
heather & me (why's your diploma shut, h?)
phil & i
dad, trav, tami, mom, & i


the last awesome weekend

sam, andrea, bhaak, & jeriel at tea time
vern with the living sculptures (melissa & becky)

Yes...the last awesome weekend has come and gone, but hopefully it kicks off an equally or more awesome summer! I am now unofficially graduated--my portfolio is turned in, my evaluations are done....the only things I need to do now are save all my G:/ stuff, turn in my mail key, and accept a signed diploma. Oh...and find a grad dress. I'm having issues with that. Whoever designs dresses nowadays does not design them for me. I may have to settle for a half a dress (a skirt).
Yesterday Phil and I were roped into taking lots of pictures of two girls covered in clay...in the name of art (see picture above). Typical Monday.

Josh slaughtered me in tennis today.
The picture-moving within the blog did not work. I don't know why. Grrr.
That is all.



I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!