results

i just got my west-e test results back. i passed the math (barely), but i didn't pass the science test.

i feel so discouraged. here i am, paying hundreds of dollars to take stupid tests that have nothing to do with my ability to teach. i study for hours. i fail anyway. now i have to pay over a hundred dollars to take the test again. i hate this system.

i don't even want to teach middle school anymore, but if i don't take these middle school tests, i can't get my washington teaching license. i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me something, or if i just need to try again. i realize i get easily discouraged and i'm not so great at the "try, try again" mentality. i studied...don't i deserve to pass?

it's as though i'm back in high school again, or even early college. i don't know what i'm supposed to do with my life. part of me has no desire to get a full-time teaching job. teaching is a lot of hard work, and i've really enjoyed having the free evenings and weekends, no grading, and no long-term issues to deal with. the other part of me has really enjoyed subbing and loves being in the classroom with kids. i know i'm good at it.

but...

i absolutely despise tests that don't measure what they're meant to measure. i remember some of the questions on the science test, and they were NOT general, over-arching themes of science. they were minute, obscure details that i would easily know if i were actually teaching it (by reading the textbook).

in addition, it's difficult to part with money for something like this the first time. doing it the second time will be crushing.

at least philip and i had a good talk about it. i'm grateful for a wonderfully supportive husband. hooray for spousal encouragement. :) i guess i'll study some more and take the test again, and worry about the next step when it comes.