rollercoasters

Do you ever feel used by people? They only become your friends for their own ulterior motives, and when they get what they want, they stop acting like a friend? I would have guessed we would leave these kinds of friendships back in junior high, but here I am, a senior in college, and they are still here, still causing frustration and hurt. Some days I just want to bury myself in bed and never face the world again. But then I have times where I feel connected to others; we understand one another, and even though life can suck, it can be good, too. So we continue to push on through the suckiness.

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on
And we're still fightin' it
We're still fightin' it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry.

I never liked rollercoasters when I was little. I stuck to the carousels...the simple, predictable, and safe round and round. Finally, when I was ten, my aunt and uncle dragged me on the Orient Express at Worlds of Fun. (They regretted it when they saw how green I was on the steep incline before the plunge.) I despised it. And then I avoided roller coasters for years. Once I got to high school, I tried the tamer roller coasters (a few ups and downs, but no corkscrews or twists). I kept wishing that I was brave enough to try the scary ones, but I would chicken out before my friends could get me to the front of the line. Then, when I was 20 years old, I worked up the courage to get on a mountaintop corkscrew rollercoaster in the Smoky Mountains. I screamed "Shit!" the whole time...but I went back three more times before the day was over, reliving the terror of the endless climb, the dark plunge, the flash of light, and the upside-down suspension.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going through life screaming "Shit!" I can only hope it will be worth the ride.