the old hundredth

Yup, I've reached 100 blog entries. Hooray for me.

Holy crap...life is busy and the result is no meals or sleep for Andrea. Guys, I'm not sure I can make it to Perkins tonight. I might just go to bed. On the upside, I finished my grammar paper yesterday and now I have lots of intelligent things to say about teaching grammar in a classroom.

I played floor hockey today and almost died. My new theory: What doesn't kill you makes you wish it had.

days are rolling by

Top left: a nature picture from a random photography jaunt with Phil(ip)
Top right: some love from my B Haak
Bottom left: Bean-daters (does that make any sense at all, Heather?)
Bottom right: post-Price is Trite; Fez and his girls from the 40's, medieval era, and Roaring 20's

I met my Lynden host family this weekend when they came to see David for Parents' Weekend. They're great people....I hope living with them is good. I think it will be. 3 performances of the play down, 4 to go. I'm enjoying parts of the play. This past week, I reconnected with several friends who I don't see often anymore because of the commuting thing....props to Jason and the girls of SV 407. I'm coming back.

I'm now going to enjoy the gorgeous weather by napping with my shades open. And later I will breathe the fresh air as I walk to church. Blessings to all.

tonight's the night

we open tonight. people have asked me if i'm nervous, but i'm not. i have 2 hours of the show to warm up and then i get nervous right before i go onstage. and also when i stand center stage with bright lights bleaching my eyes because then i worry about being distracted by lights and people and forgetting my lines....but then i say "you never can tell. some people are just dumb enough...." and the rest is in the bag. hooray for spending 25 minutes onstage. it's quite fun. all the fun, little hassle. slug me now. don't worry; i'll get what's coming to me.

on tuesday, we had mass choir rehearsal. brad and i tried to belt out our duet over 150 voices. i hope it works tomorrow night.

time to sing. capture the unicorn!!!

a step forward is all i need

This morning I was putting on my makeup before dress rehearsal and I almost gave myself age lines. Then I stopped, thought for a minute, and remembered that I don't need age lines for this play. For the first time in over 2 years. Holy crap. In fact, after the costume parade, I was told to make myself even more feminine. Hooray! I get to be a powerful woman without traces of masculinity! Woman can be powerful all on their own. And don't you forget it.

beloved

Oh, computer. Why are you so slow?

This weekend I have been questioning my purpose again. I'm not sure I can hack it in the big old world. I'm excited and nervous to go to Lynden, but I wish I could just be excited and know that I will have a good experience there. I'm sure I will; I'm just worried about the homesickness bit and feeling as though I should really be a teacher. I worry that once I get out of this community I've grown up in, I won't be able to feel worthwhile or special, because I won't have a history with these people. I'll have to build everything from scratch. Sometimes it's too much work.
But a friend once told me this: "My worth is not based on what others think of me; my worth is based on God calling me His beloved."
I try to remember that...even though being praised by humans feels wonderful.
Brother David sent me pictures of his house/hometown today so I could get a feel for where I'll be living for six weeks next spring. I tried to post one, but my computer is slow. Maybe later.

recent thoughts that have been plaguing my head

random photo from Eurotour....Andrea sandwich!

I've been thinking lately about the transition I'm about to go through. Soon I will really be gone from Sioux Center, the place I've known for my entire life, and thrown into the big lonely world. I'm pretty terrified, but I'm pretending it's not about to happen. Or I'm trying to prepare myself but I'm not sure how. I don't know if I'll make friends or if I'll like the job I get (assuming I get a job) or where I'll get a job or if I'll find a church that I feel welcomed in or if I'll live alone or with someone else. Sometimes I wish I were married or at least dating someone....somehow the transition would be easier if I knew I weren't doing it alone. But maybe I'll end up being braver than the people who have someone to hang onto.

I'm not sure where I fit anymore. I don't belong at home, even though I live there....I spend as little time there as possible. I'm a floater...a drifter. I hope I can find a place that enfolds me and makes me feel the presence of God. A tall order, I know.

Sometimes trust doesn't feel like a big enough word to keep me going.

the end of an era

Well, I'm done with band forever. Weird. I thought I was done with band forever after high school, but then I ended up playing in community band every summer since and then I joined concert band last year. Last year band made life busy, but good, too. I'm glad I got to go to Europe and meet wonderful people. But I'm glad I played through the POPS concert. Last night was incredibly fun! And the horns actually won the costume contest because of our rockin' costumes!
Last night, the Bean hosted an informal student poetry reading. I read some stuff (not my own), and the atmosphere was fun. The highlight of the night was either when Jeriel taught me to salsa as we shared headphones from his MP3 player, or when Katy, Leesa, and I made up nasty limericks about Dordt men.
Tonight, Comedy League and a party celebrating Laura D's presence (my platypus!) A good weekend, I think.

worth a thousand words

untitled

Now you know the worst
We humans have to know
About ourselves, and I am sorry

For I know that you will be afraid.
To those of our bodies given
Without pity to be burned, I know

There is no answer
But loving one another,
Even our enemies, and this is hard.

But remember:
When a man of war becomes a man of peace,
He gives a light, divine
Though it is also human.When a man of peace is killed
By a man of war, he gives a light.

You do not have to walk in darkness,
If you will have the courage for love,
You may walk in light.

It will be the light of those who have suffered
For peace. It will be your light.

--Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems

the Lord moves in mysterious ways; His wonders to perform

God has an interesting sense of humor. Audition results turned out much differently than I expected, but not really in a bad way. This time around, I feel very confident that God has bigger plans for me than I had for myself. If not, I'm building character right here and now.
Yet I'm curious: why is it that sometimes I feel capable of facing the unexpected, and sometimes I'm utterly terrified?
Well, today I feel capable. And I love rainy Saturdays. Especially when Mom's baking brownies.

all the live long day

Do you ever feel like time is creeping by, and there are so many cool things you could be doing, yet you're afraid you'll miss something if you go out and do it? I could have done lots of things to pass this last free evening before the commitments and deadlines start flying. But I didn't. I sat on my butt and reread Arsenic and Old Lace to myself in a hoity-toity Bostonian accent.

Today was a long one. It was full of running between yearbook-handing-outing at registration in the rec center to opening Covenant storage to tutor training at the ASK Center and back to storage. And then to Orange City to clean. And it was only a 10-hour day of mostly sitting around, but I'm tired nonetheless. Mom took me to Family Table tonight because we were both starving and didn't want to cook. Mmm, shrimp. And tonight has been dragging on. I want school to start, because now it's really inevitable. But I'm a little nervous about the first day. This is my 17th first day of school (18th if you count Rainbow Roads preschool, class of '89). Weird.

And Dr. Duitman called me at home tonight, pleading with me to be in band at least until the POPS concert. Oh, I just can't keep the fans away.

wow

Today started out normally. But after several phone calls from people 'desperately needing' to get into storage, Lauralee and I decided we should open it up this afternoon. I was thanked profoundly by many people. And I was excited to be on campus during THE Saturday that freshmen move into the dorms. Always exciting...I wouldn't mind being part of something like this on a regular basis. Although I'm exhausted, as well. And now I'm back at the info desk for 5 hours. If anyone is bored (well, if you're someone I would want to talk to), stop by the desk before midnight. And I will give you information. Mwahahahaha.

eat fresh

Who knew that Michigan could be fun? I dined on grilled cod, corn on the cob, a squash dish, fresh blackberries, and a wonderful blush wine while sitting around a table full of laughing people in a sprawling beach house.

And I went to a Greek Orthodox wedding and wound up babysitting the bride's adorable cousin while her parents played music during the ceremony. A little Greek dancing and too much pasta later, I found myself relaxing with my sister and her friends. We walked around the beach neighborhood and went to historic downtown Holland (just so I could say I've been there), then ran madly into the crashing waves at the beach (where the red flag waved, shouting to all beach patrons not to test the waters.....ahh, the risks).

Al and I arrived in Chicago at 8:30 a.m. Sunday morning and decided to wander around her old Hyde Park neighborhood. We went to the Point and took tons of pictures of the crashing waves soaking us as we ran near the benches and rocks. The morning was clear and cool, the sun warming us slowly.

What a wonderful weekend. Now I am at home, and working until next Tuesday. And catching up on my education portfolio....has anyone else not touched theirs in two years?

in the interest of saving time....

I'm making a list instead of giving gory details.

a. I bought a digital camera on Saturday....it is cool. I like it.
b. I test-drove a 2006 Toyota Corolla on Saturday and loved it.
c. My dad told me we couldn't afford a Toyota Corolla.
d. Dad said maybe when I get a real job somewhere and can make monthly payments on my own, I could get a Corolla. Sad face.
e. I moved home on Friday afternoon. I like my bed at home, but I miss my roommate.
f. My sister called me early Sunday morning and asked me to unlock the front door because she arrived 15 hours early from Montana.
g. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephews came to church with us Sunday night and stayed for dinner. It felt like Christmas with the whole family there!
h. I worked maintenance yesterday for the first time in a year and I enjoyed the manual labor.
i. I received a phone call from a friend who had not called me in a long time.
j. Lauralee and I have gone on at least 7 walks since the last time I blogged.
k. Phil is taking a family picture for us tonight. Hooray for artistic friends!
l. Heather sent me another card in the mail yesterday. I giggled. I see you soon, Hevver!
m. My room (and my sister's) is in upheaval from my move home.
n. I leave tomorrow with Al for Grand Rapids.
o. Did you know there is also a Big Rapids in Michigan? Yay, creativity.
p. I am currently working at the information desk and have received approximately 10 phone calls in an hour. Not bad.
q. A good letter to end on. I must finish the mailing task assigned to me.

Fare thee well, my fine-feathered friends!

good weekends are hard to let go of

The weekend was excellent and involved movies, drinks, restaurants, long conversations, very little work, long-time-no-see friends, a bonfire, and a wedding. Joelle actually let me have a knife at her wedding to cut cake! Ahh, the trust.
I now have a new roommate for a week. Ha ha, world, I get to sleep with Amy! And Lauralee is back from Chicago, and Marcus was here for the wedding, and I had a bonfire with Phil, Leah, and her brother's family. Leah's taking off on Saturday for ISU. I realized that we have been friends since we were six years old. Some of my favorite friends are the ones I only see once in awhile, but I have a great time with them whenever we're together.

I need to get back to school....I ended my blog title with a preposition.....

i'm just sittin' here waiting

One more month to go. I feel like all I do is sit around and wait for something better to happen instead of enjoying the present. I'm ready for work to be done and for the semester to start, but then I'll be frustrated by the amount of work to do. What is the secret to contentment and happiness? I'm stuck in a rut; in a routine that I can't get out of. And I want to break free, but it's so hard to kill old habits. I need to chuck my TV out the window, or at least watch it less. And the whole summer has gone by without me getting things done that I need to get done...like my portfolio that I have not looked at in two years.
On the upside, Lauralee and I started walking late at night for about an hour, after the weather has cooled off a little. It's quite invigorating. I like it.

catching up like we've been apart

My parents came home yesterday after 2ish weeks in Montana. I was on call last night, so they made supper and brought it to my apartment. Dad and I made popcorn on the stove, which we haven't done since I was maybe seven. My puppy was baffled by the sound of the popping. The results were delicious, by the way. Then today I went grocery shopping with Mom, which I also haven't done for a long time. It has been a good weekend with my parents...I hope I can be mature enough to get along with them when I move back home this semester. I'm guessing the fall will be so full of activity that I won't see them often enough to be annoyed. I hope. Because we'll all be happier if we can just get along.
I watched two movies on my computer today: Nanny McPhee (for the purpose of seeing another Colin Firth movie) and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?, an old Johnny Depp classic. I also spent some time outside taking care of Teresa's plants this morning. It was gorgeous weather! Wowza. And my dog got a bath...you have to understand that this is a less-than-annual thing. She looked skinny and funny when she was wet.
I have officially been cooped up too long in my room. Maybe I should leave.

things i love

1. this view of the San Jaoquin Valley
2. inspiring articles juxtaposing life and faith
3. being professional on the telephone
4. orange popsicles
5. Lauralee's "Johnny Cash" dance
6. eating with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews
7. doing a difficult job well and sweating
8. today's piercing blue sky and the hot sun to go with it
9. raiding my parents' fridge for string cheese and snappy vegetable dip
10. discovering a good book
11. singing songs with a strong harmony
12. my sister's poetic enthusiasm
13. Teresa's birds, Bayliss and Louis, after I give them treats
14. hitting a tennis ball with all my angst and beating Josh out of a point
15. opening my cell phone and seeing the message indicator
16. my month-old sandals which are already worn down and dirty from wear and tear
17. hope
18. my dad's three-minute phone calls
19. my mother's one-hour phone calls followed by another 15-minute phone call
20. pepperoni pizza
21. driving the Green Goblin
22. anything citrus-y
23. meeting friendly older people and sharing a smile with them
24. rubbing a friend's back when she's upset and feeling like I am doing something for her just by being there
25. washing dishes while listening to Bebo Norman
26. getting mail in the workstudy mailbox!!!! woo-hoo!
27. my nephews' dimples
28. my new black shirt with ruffles
29. ice cream with chocolate anything
30. tlc

blah

Today is one of those days where time seems to drag on. I was dozing off over noon break, and I woke up to the sound of the ticking clock. And I could hear every second. I felt my boring life dragging on....and then I started humming that wonderful Cash/Carter hit, "It Ain't Me, Babe", to the rhythm of the ticking, which I don't advise. It was really slow.

Lauralee and I got the day off on Tuesday and spent it shopping in Sioux Falls. Fun times were had, and money was spent. Not too much, just the right amount to make a successful day off. Hooray for purple clothes.

Last week, there was no time to be had. Now time is an epidemic. I'm bored out of my mind, and hoping the feeling will only last for a couple of hours rather than the rest of the summer. Do you ever feel like you're going out of your skull? Your nerves are racing and you feel as though something important should be happening but then it's as if nothing important is ever going to happen....EVER. All I want is a little excitement, and then I get all reflective and think, "Well, this is life. This is what it's all about. It's not exciting, it's only something to get through." Then at other times I get way more from life and everything is wonderful and I can't stop smiling at the littlest things.

But today is not one of those days.

family

Today I realized again how much I hate the thought of being far away from any of my family members. My parents are leaving for a couple of weeks, and I may not see my brother and sister-in-law and nephews for awhile. And my sister's in Montana. I like hanging out with friends, but I enjoy having my family around, too. I'm nervous about student teaching on the West Coast and then deciding where to look for a job. Some people are way more independent than me and they like having space from their families. I look at most other cultures, and family is central to these cultures. In China, people think Americans are insane for making their infants sleep in cribs in separate rooms from their parents. The only assisted living homes are those belonging to the families of the elderly who take care of their aging relatives. Why is a person in America only considered successful if they do everything on their own? I am a little more sensitive to this issue since being so homesick in China, but I still don't embrace that part of my culture. I don't agree. I think family should still be central. Of course, family does not necessarily have to be blood-related, but I think many of us take our families for granted. I don't want to turn this into a bad ABC Family movie, but I like my family and I wouldn't mind being near them for a long time.