12.29.2006

there's a rock...

...in my stomach. I'm feeling lonely, bored, and depressed, and the fact that I'm leaving for 6 1/2 weeks is not helping. I'm scared. Anybody want to come to Lynden with me to keep me company?

12.26.2006

Christmas come and gone

Our family Christmas celebration was a good time, but the past two days have been incredibly long. I've spent excessive amounts of time freaking out about Lynden. I think I'm going back to my medication.

On a happier note, Merry Christmas! I got to spend all day on the 24th with my whole family, plus my Bepa and my sister' friend. If you've never spent Christmas with young children, you should. It makes everything more fun. Dillan and Landon both got new pajamas, and they were running around in them. I love those kids.

I had more presents than anyone else. I felt guilty, especially since......one of my presents was a LAPTOP!!!! Oh, parents. I love you. I find it funny that our house now contains five computers (and only three residents). I also got some books, a hilarious feminist magnet, a huge wall fan from Thailand, and Little Miss Sunshine from my sister (Amy--I didn't even ask for it!) My grandparents got me cookware. Does this mean I have to grow up?

Merry Christmas, all. The day is over, but Jesus is here.

12.20.2006

one more

Well, I'm 23. Weird. Weird, weird, weird.

Thanks to Heather who coordinated a little singing at the Bean at midnight. And to Matt who gave me a vegan brownie on the house. And to Morgan, who fed it to me (pictures to come). And to everyone who wrote on my Facebook wall or said something or thought of me. I love you all!

And I'm done with exams. I just have to student teach now! Um, just. Yes.

12.15.2006

da haircut

Before.....
After!!!! (No, I did not get a complimentary girl with my haircut....sheesh.)
I love love love it. Not much to headbang with, though.

12.14.2006

i'm stuck in a tie

We tied our final game of HPER floor hockey yesterday. Tied. TIED! My team was completely dominating (an event which could have gone down in history, since any team I've ever been on has never dominated anything...coincidence?) and then we let it go. So after all the sweating, grunting, hitting, high-sticking, rolling, and getting body-checked by 230 lb. guys, we TIED. Sigh.

I got my hair cut...and I don't have a picture to download yet. But it's sexy. Look out. Thanks to SarahJo for letting me copy her hair, thanks to Justine for 'holding my hand' as I got it cut, and thanks to everyone who specifically told me I do not look like a boy. Because I have distinguishing female features! Hooray!

Good news--I just finished my last paper. Well, my last normal paper. I have a take home and a lit project to do yet, but those are considered exams. So now I can really say I only have exams left! Not sure how I feel about that yet.

Heather Link, you are awesome.

12.06.2006

Outside the snow is falling

and friends are calling "yoo-hoo!"

Horses, horses, horses....

Ding-a-ling-a-ling!

Sleepless in Seattle, anyone? Oh, Meg Ryan, I like you. I realize I may lose friendships by saying that, but I don't care. Cheesy holiday movies work for me.

It's snowing. And I'm choosing to bask in it by thinking about snow while writing a paper. Two weeks 'til my birthday! Get me something good.

12.03.2006

family pictures

Joelle (Meg), Andrea (Marmee), Emily (Amy), Sarah (SM)
Jeremiah (Laurence), Garry (March), Jacob (Brooke)
Beth (Jo) and Becky (Prudence) help Joelle with her hair
Jo & Marmee: We're the same person!
Andrea & Sarah
Joelle & Andrea: awkwardness at Perkins
Paul (Dashwood) and Kenny (Meeks)
Justine (HM) and Paul. Ahem.

11.30.2006

you're not losing me...underneath the moon I'll be the beam

Wow...it's been awhile. Of course, things are very busy here, since tonight Little Women opened. My last opening night ever (tear). It went quite well, but I'm looking forward to improving in the next four performances.

I really do love this cast. I feel very maternal towards most of the freshmen, and it's a good feeling. I do think I'm a nurturer at heart, as much as I hate the stereotype. Each night when I walk home from New World Theatre, I think about how much I love the people and then I get sad. I don't want to leave it all behind.

I love you all and miss you already.

11.22.2006

time to dream and time to sleep

Loooooong practice today. Eek. Quite exhausting, frankly. And I missed the 60-degree weather. Yes, 60 degrees. But I think we made good progress, which is good since we open in 9 days. Double eek.

I am now sitting in my Comfort Inn room in Pella, awaiting a day with extended family members and trying to remember that I don't need to impress them. Always a struggle. Has anyone else noticed how boring and un-cozy (yes, I made up that word) hotel rooms really are? And they're supposed to be like a home away from home. Hmm.

I rode down with my brother, sis-in-law, and nephews. And I was embarrassed when my 5-year-old nephew had to tell me what a condor was. He's a little too smart for his own good...

Profound thought of the day: I've been catching glimpses of heaven lately. You know when things are so good that your heart aches because you know they can't last? Someday they'll last. Someday.

11.19.2006

still fightin' it

I'm trying to write a paper on Dada. And its nihilism is depressing me. I need to stop complaining about writing this 10-pager and just do it. Justine, can I get a witness?

Last night was NC/DC. Jonathon and Joelle both made finals, of course, and Jonathon won. He sang the hell out of the Josh Groban song. Wowza. And then my car was graced with the star's presence on the way back to Phil's. I don't think I should sell it anymore...it's worth too much.

By the way, I'm selling my little Maizie and buying my parents' Focus, so if anyone wants a bright green Geo that's perfect for a college student, lemme know.

Tuesday we're having a Jane Eyre reunion (minus Laurel....and TJ and Andrea, who are leaving for break). I think it will be glorious. I miss the camaraderie from Jane Eyre, although Little Women is pretty special, too.

I need to go to bed before 4 am on the weekends. I have to grow up soon and be a responsible adult.

11.16.2006

red roses on the windowsill; to church we'll ride a sleigh

(my sister & i)

step to the fireside; you've come many miles
look at our jo there; see the way she smiles...

I have to learn #24 before practice tonight. I don't know it. At all.

I called both of my cooperating teachers and my principal in Lynden last night. Talking to them made me very excited to teach out there! I can't wait. But I found out that my second placement is at West Sioux High School, which will be a completely different game...I'm slightly terrified.

I got a flu shot today and now my arm hurts. Ouch.

I have a few things to do before Thanksgiving break. I won't list them because it'd be boring.

My sister is cool. She's older than me, but we're on the same level, G. Right?
This post is all about me. But it's my blog. Hee, hee.

11.12.2006

blurb

*I'm terrified for Tuesday. I have to teach flatlining freshmen in English 200 and also call my principal at Lynden Christian. NERVOUS!

*Life can be confusing. Alcohol does not solve problems, but it can bring you closer to others. Having a drink to loosen up encourages excellent conversations.

*I hate looking at people my parents' age, seeing flaws, and feeling older than them as a result.

*What is true friendship? What does it look like? Is it merely hanging out with a person or people, or does there have to be some depth to the relationship?

*Crocheting with your eyes crossed is difficult.

*Heather and Rachel are really good artists.

*How can someone be sure they like someone and then be really sure they could never work out but still really like them? Give me an answer now.

*Not all freshmen are bad. I really enjoy the ones in Little Women.

*An initial stage kiss is awkward, especially when you're kissing your friend's husband and your friend is onstage with you...

And....count it!

11.08.2006

my highlight of the day...

...was driving into Orange City and seeing the bank sign reading 77 degrees next to a newly-installed city Christmas wreath.

11.06.2006

another good weekend gone

The weekends go by quickly. This semester is going by quickly. I don't think I'm ready to leave and student teach.
Friday night consisted of hitting, talking about sex and politics (not together), and drinking an iced mocha.
Saturday: lots of play practice, cast fun at Garry & Joelle's, comedy league, and the usual social gathering at the townhouse. I had a good talk with a friend...hopefully we've cleared up confusion. Can there ever not be confusion between men and women? Or maybe it's just people in general.
Sunday: should've gone for a walk instead of crocheting. Sang at the nursing home, where I had to lead everything because our usual leader was sick. Watched Over the Hedge at night. Lots of fun and happiness.
Tomorrow in choir: playing games with memorization which promise to be embarrassing.
If you're still reading this, you're a better friend than I thought.

P.S. I walked into the Bean this afternoon and did a double-take....Rosie was sitting at a booth chatting with Dengler! Lots of confused yelling and hugging ensued. Hooray for random surprises!

11.03.2006

untitled #2


Last night I was on an adrenaline kick thanks to a wonderful day. Wonderful. And utterly confusing. Eek, life.

This picture wouldn't download the other day. Hopefully it does now.
Yay, it did!
Happy weekend to all.

10.27.2006

the old hundredth

Yup, I've reached 100 blog entries. Hooray for me.

Holy crap...life is busy and the result is no meals or sleep for Andrea. Guys, I'm not sure I can make it to Perkins tonight. I might just go to bed. On the upside, I finished my grammar paper yesterday and now I have lots of intelligent things to say about teaching grammar in a classroom.

I played floor hockey today and almost died. My new theory: What doesn't kill you makes you wish it had.

10.22.2006

days are rolling by



















Top left: a nature picture from a random photography jaunt with Phil(ip)
Top right: some love from my B Haak
Bottom left: Bean-daters (does that make any sense at all, Heather?)
Bottom right: post-Price is Trite; Fez and his girls from the 40's, medieval era, and Roaring 20's

I met my Lynden host family this weekend when they came to see David for Parents' Weekend. They're great people....I hope living with them is good. I think it will be. 3 performances of the play down, 4 to go. I'm enjoying parts of the play. This past week, I reconnected with several friends who I don't see often anymore because of the commuting thing....props to Jason and the girls of SV 407. I'm coming back.

I'm now going to enjoy the gorgeous weather by napping with my shades open. And later I will breathe the fresh air as I walk to church. Blessings to all.

10.19.2006

tonight's the night

we open tonight. people have asked me if i'm nervous, but i'm not. i have 2 hours of the show to warm up and then i get nervous right before i go onstage. and also when i stand center stage with bright lights bleaching my eyes because then i worry about being distracted by lights and people and forgetting my lines....but then i say "you never can tell. some people are just dumb enough...." and the rest is in the bag. hooray for spending 25 minutes onstage. it's quite fun. all the fun, little hassle. slug me now. don't worry; i'll get what's coming to me.

on tuesday, we had mass choir rehearsal. brad and i tried to belt out our duet over 150 voices. i hope it works tomorrow night.

time to sing. capture the unicorn!!!

10.14.2006

a step forward is all i need

This morning I was putting on my makeup before dress rehearsal and I almost gave myself age lines. Then I stopped, thought for a minute, and remembered that I don't need age lines for this play. For the first time in over 2 years. Holy crap. In fact, after the costume parade, I was told to make myself even more feminine. Hooray! I get to be a powerful woman without traces of masculinity! Woman can be powerful all on their own. And don't you forget it.

10.08.2006

beloved

Oh, computer. Why are you so slow?

This weekend I have been questioning my purpose again. I'm not sure I can hack it in the big old world. I'm excited and nervous to go to Lynden, but I wish I could just be excited and know that I will have a good experience there. I'm sure I will; I'm just worried about the homesickness bit and feeling as though I should really be a teacher. I worry that once I get out of this community I've grown up in, I won't be able to feel worthwhile or special, because I won't have a history with these people. I'll have to build everything from scratch. Sometimes it's too much work.
But a friend once told me this: "My worth is not based on what others think of me; my worth is based on God calling me His beloved."
I try to remember that...even though being praised by humans feels wonderful.
Brother David sent me pictures of his house/hometown today so I could get a feel for where I'll be living for six weeks next spring. I tried to post one, but my computer is slow. Maybe later.

9.30.2006

recent thoughts that have been plaguing my head



random photo from Eurotour....Andrea sandwich!

I've been thinking lately about the transition I'm about to go through. Soon I will really be gone from Sioux Center, the place I've known for my entire life, and thrown into the big lonely world. I'm pretty terrified, but I'm pretending it's not about to happen. Or I'm trying to prepare myself but I'm not sure how. I don't know if I'll make friends or if I'll like the job I get (assuming I get a job) or where I'll get a job or if I'll find a church that I feel welcomed in or if I'll live alone or with someone else. Sometimes I wish I were married or at least dating someone....somehow the transition would be easier if I knew I weren't doing it alone. But maybe I'll end up being braver than the people who have someone to hang onto.

I'm not sure where I fit anymore. I don't belong at home, even though I live there....I spend as little time there as possible. I'm a floater...a drifter. I hope I can find a place that enfolds me and makes me feel the presence of God. A tall order, I know.

Sometimes trust doesn't feel like a big enough word to keep me going.

9.23.2006

the end of an era


Well, I'm done with band forever. Weird. I thought I was done with band forever after high school, but then I ended up playing in community band every summer since and then I joined concert band last year. Last year band made life busy, but good, too. I'm glad I got to go to Europe and meet wonderful people. But I'm glad I played through the POPS concert. Last night was incredibly fun! And the horns actually won the costume contest because of our rockin' costumes!
Last night, the Bean hosted an informal student poetry reading. I read some stuff (not my own), and the atmosphere was fun. The highlight of the night was either when Jeriel taught me to salsa as we shared headphones from his MP3 player, or when Katy, Leesa, and I made up nasty limericks about Dordt men.
Tonight, Comedy League and a party celebrating Laura D's presence (my platypus!) A good weekend, I think.

9.08.2006

untitled




Now you know the worst
We humans have to know
About ourselves, and I am sorry

For I know that you will be afraid.
To those of our bodies given
Without pity to be burned, I know

There is no answer
But loving one another,
Even our enemies, and this is hard.

But remember:
When a man of war becomes a man of peace,
He gives a light, divine
Though it is also human.When a man of peace is killed
By a man of war, he gives a light.

You do not have to walk in darkness,
If you will have the courage for love,
You may walk in light.

It will be the light of those who have suffered
For peace. It will be your light.



--Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems

9.02.2006

the Lord moves in mysterious ways; His wonders to perform

God has an interesting sense of humor. Audition results turned out much differently than I expected, but not really in a bad way. This time around, I feel very confident that God has bigger plans for me than I had for myself. If not, I'm building character right here and now.
Yet I'm curious: why is it that sometimes I feel capable of facing the unexpected, and sometimes I'm utterly terrified?
Well, today I feel capable. And I love rainy Saturdays. Especially when Mom's baking brownies.

8.29.2006

all the live long day

Do you ever feel like time is creeping by, and there are so many cool things you could be doing, yet you're afraid you'll miss something if you go out and do it? I could have done lots of things to pass this last free evening before the commitments and deadlines start flying. But I didn't. I sat on my butt and reread Arsenic and Old Lace to myself in a hoity-toity Bostonian accent.

Today was a long one. It was full of running between yearbook-handing-outing at registration in the rec center to opening Covenant storage to tutor training at the ASK Center and back to storage. And then to Orange City to clean. And it was only a 10-hour day of mostly sitting around, but I'm tired nonetheless. Mom took me to Family Table tonight because we were both starving and didn't want to cook. Mmm, shrimp. And tonight has been dragging on. I want school to start, because now it's really inevitable. But I'm a little nervous about the first day. This is my 17th first day of school (18th if you count Rainbow Roads preschool, class of '89). Weird.

And Dr. Duitman called me at home tonight, pleading with me to be in band at least until the POPS concert. Oh, I just can't keep the fans away.

8.26.2006

wow

Today started out normally. But after several phone calls from people 'desperately needing' to get into storage, Lauralee and I decided we should open it up this afternoon. I was thanked profoundly by many people. And I was excited to be on campus during THE Saturday that freshmen move into the dorms. Always exciting...I wouldn't mind being part of something like this on a regular basis. Although I'm exhausted, as well. And now I'm back at the info desk for 5 hours. If anyone is bored (well, if you're someone I would want to talk to), stop by the desk before midnight. And I will give you information. Mwahahahaha.

8.23.2006

eat fresh

Who knew that Michigan could be fun? I dined on grilled cod, corn on the cob, a squash dish, fresh blackberries, and a wonderful blush wine while sitting around a table full of laughing people in a sprawling beach house.

And I went to a Greek Orthodox wedding and wound up babysitting the bride's adorable cousin while her parents played music during the ceremony. A little Greek dancing and too much pasta later, I found myself relaxing with my sister and her friends. We walked around the beach neighborhood and went to historic downtown Holland (just so I could say I've been there), then ran madly into the crashing waves at the beach (where the red flag waved, shouting to all beach patrons not to test the waters.....ahh, the risks).

Al and I arrived in Chicago at 8:30 a.m. Sunday morning and decided to wander around her old Hyde Park neighborhood. We went to the Point and took tons of pictures of the crashing waves soaking us as we ran near the benches and rocks. The morning was clear and cool, the sun warming us slowly.

What a wonderful weekend. Now I am at home, and working until next Tuesday. And catching up on my education portfolio....has anyone else not touched theirs in two years?

8.15.2006

in the interest of saving time....

I'm making a list instead of giving gory details.

a. I bought a digital camera on Saturday....it is cool. I like it.
b. I test-drove a 2006 Toyota Corolla on Saturday and loved it.
c. My dad told me we couldn't afford a Toyota Corolla.
d. Dad said maybe when I get a real job somewhere and can make monthly payments on my own, I could get a Corolla. Sad face.
e. I moved home on Friday afternoon. I like my bed at home, but I miss my roommate.
f. My sister called me early Sunday morning and asked me to unlock the front door because she arrived 15 hours early from Montana.
g. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephews came to church with us Sunday night and stayed for dinner. It felt like Christmas with the whole family there!
h. I worked maintenance yesterday for the first time in a year and I enjoyed the manual labor.
i. I received a phone call from a friend who had not called me in a long time.
j. Lauralee and I have gone on at least 7 walks since the last time I blogged.
k. Phil is taking a family picture for us tonight. Hooray for artistic friends!
l. Heather sent me another card in the mail yesterday. I giggled. I see you soon, Hevver!
m. My room (and my sister's) is in upheaval from my move home.
n. I leave tomorrow with Al for Grand Rapids.
o. Did you know there is also a Big Rapids in Michigan? Yay, creativity.
p. I am currently working at the information desk and have received approximately 10 phone calls in an hour. Not bad.
q. A good letter to end on. I must finish the mailing task assigned to me.

Fare thee well, my fine-feathered friends!

8.07.2006

good weekends are hard to let go of







The weekend was excellent and involved movies, drinks, restaurants, long conversations, very little work, long-time-no-see friends, a bonfire, and a wedding. Joelle actually let me have a knife at her wedding to cut cake! Ahh, the trust.
I now have a new roommate for a week. Ha ha, world, I get to sleep with Amy! And Lauralee is back from Chicago, and Marcus was here for the wedding, and I had a bonfire with Phil, Leah, and her brother's family. Leah's taking off on Saturday for ISU. I realized that we have been friends since we were six years old. Some of my favorite friends are the ones I only see once in awhile, but I have a great time with them whenever we're together.

I need to get back to school....I ended my blog title with a preposition.....

8.01.2006

i'm just sittin' here waiting

One more month to go. I feel like all I do is sit around and wait for something better to happen instead of enjoying the present. I'm ready for work to be done and for the semester to start, but then I'll be frustrated by the amount of work to do. What is the secret to contentment and happiness? I'm stuck in a rut; in a routine that I can't get out of. And I want to break free, but it's so hard to kill old habits. I need to chuck my TV out the window, or at least watch it less. And the whole summer has gone by without me getting things done that I need to get done...like my portfolio that I have not looked at in two years.
On the upside, Lauralee and I started walking late at night for about an hour, after the weather has cooled off a little. It's quite invigorating. I like it.

7.22.2006

catching up like we've been apart




















My parents came home yesterday after 2ish weeks in Montana. I was on call last night, so they made supper and brought it to my apartment. Dad and I made popcorn on the stove, which we haven't done since I was maybe seven. My puppy was baffled by the sound of the popping. The results were delicious, by the way. Then today I went grocery shopping with Mom, which I also haven't done for a long time. It has been a good weekend with my parents...I hope I can be mature enough to get along with them when I move back home this semester. I'm guessing the fall will be so full of activity that I won't see them often enough to be annoyed. I hope. Because we'll all be happier if we can just get along.
I watched two movies on my computer today: Nanny McPhee (for the purpose of seeing another Colin Firth movie) and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?, an old Johnny Depp classic. I also spent some time outside taking care of Teresa's plants this morning. It was gorgeous weather! Wowza. And my dog got a bath...you have to understand that this is a less-than-annual thing. She looked skinny and funny when she was wet.
I have officially been cooped up too long in my room. Maybe I should leave.

7.18.2006

things i love


1. this view of the San Jaoquin Valley
2. inspiring articles juxtaposing life and faith
3. being professional on the telephone
4. orange popsicles
5. Lauralee's "Johnny Cash" dance
6. eating with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews
7. doing a difficult job well and sweating
8. today's piercing blue sky and the hot sun to go with it
9. raiding my parents' fridge for string cheese and snappy vegetable dip
10. discovering a good book
11. singing songs with a strong harmony
12. my sister's poetic enthusiasm
13. Teresa's birds, Bayliss and Louis, after I give them treats
14. hitting a tennis ball with all my angst and beating Josh out of a point
15. opening my cell phone and seeing the message indicator
16. my month-old sandals which are already worn down and dirty from wear and tear
17. hope
18. my dad's three-minute phone calls
19. my mother's one-hour phone calls followed by another 15-minute phone call
20. pepperoni pizza
21. driving the Green Goblin
22. anything citrus-y
23. meeting friendly older people and sharing a smile with them
24. rubbing a friend's back when she's upset and feeling like I am doing something for her just by being there
25. washing dishes while listening to Bebo Norman
26. getting mail in the workstudy mailbox!!!! woo-hoo!
27. my nephews' dimples
28. my new black shirt with ruffles
29. ice cream with chocolate anything
30. tlc

7.13.2006

blah

Today is one of those days where time seems to drag on. I was dozing off over noon break, and I woke up to the sound of the ticking clock. And I could hear every second. I felt my boring life dragging on....and then I started humming that wonderful Cash/Carter hit, "It Ain't Me, Babe", to the rhythm of the ticking, which I don't advise. It was really slow.

Lauralee and I got the day off on Tuesday and spent it shopping in Sioux Falls. Fun times were had, and money was spent. Not too much, just the right amount to make a successful day off. Hooray for purple clothes.

Last week, there was no time to be had. Now time is an epidemic. I'm bored out of my mind, and hoping the feeling will only last for a couple of hours rather than the rest of the summer. Do you ever feel like you're going out of your skull? Your nerves are racing and you feel as though something important should be happening but then it's as if nothing important is ever going to happen....EVER. All I want is a little excitement, and then I get all reflective and think, "Well, this is life. This is what it's all about. It's not exciting, it's only something to get through." Then at other times I get way more from life and everything is wonderful and I can't stop smiling at the littlest things.

But today is not one of those days.

7.09.2006

family






Today I realized again how much I hate the thought of being far away from any of my family members. My parents are leaving for a couple of weeks, and I may not see my brother and sister-in-law and nephews for awhile. And my sister's in Montana. I like hanging out with friends, but I enjoy having my family around, too. I'm nervous about student teaching on the West Coast and then deciding where to look for a job. Some people are way more independent than me and they like having space from their families. I look at most other cultures, and family is central to these cultures. In China, people think Americans are insane for making their infants sleep in cribs in separate rooms from their parents. The only assisted living homes are those belonging to the families of the elderly who take care of their aging relatives. Why is a person in America only considered successful if they do everything on their own? I am a little more sensitive to this issue since being so homesick in China, but I still don't embrace that part of my culture. I don't agree. I think family should still be central. Of course, family does not necessarily have to be blood-related, but I think many of us take our families for granted. I don't want to turn this into a bad ABC Family movie, but I like my family and I wouldn't mind being near them for a long time.

7.03.2006

my happy place



These pictures are from the English department's visit to Willa Cather's homeland last October. I was fascinated by the open spaces (even more desolate and bare than around Sioux Center). The day started out cloudy and turned to rain, which was disappointing at first. But once we reached the actual plot of land that Cather grew up on, the sun came through and pierced the dark clouds just before disappearing over the endless horizon.


The renewal of God's creation swept over me and I was refreshed. It's amazing what 20 minutes of sunshine can do after twelve hours of rain clouds.

6.29.2006

tell me about commitment and i shudder with fear

I feel trapped by my job. Every hour of the day is open for someone to call us, which means one of us always has to be near our apartment. And it sucks. I can't even live for the weekend, because weekends are the busiest. There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning and not being able to have plans to leave the dang apartment. Well, there may be a few things that are worse. Like wearing a wig made out of peanuts in a room of hungry, deranged African elephants.
All I want to do is go away for the weekend....camping, visiting my grandmother, seeing Al, or even just going to my house. And I can't escape. I hate it. I miss the hours I worked for maintenance, because I didn't have to bring my job home with me. Here, my home and my job are synonymous. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. I don't always hate the job, but I hate feeling trapped by something. It's the same way with me and relationships (with guys, friends, and God). I am incapable of committing myself to something without leaving myself an out...an escape.
I just want to be free.

6.24.2006

when your best just isn't good enough

if we get one more knock on our door or one more phone call requesting something stupid (such as "Can we borrow your parents' lawnmower so we can mow a baseball diamond in the Dordt soccer field?") i am going to seriously kick some ass and then quit.

6.20.2006

in pain right now...



...thanks to this chica. she dragged me on a six-mile bike ride tonight, after the worst day of work ever. of course, we needed the time to reconcile, even though she was a hundred feet ahead of me the whole ride. a hint: never work with your spouse....living and working together is great until neither of you get sleep and you have to face evil customers all day. and while lauralee and i aren't married, we're hitting on some pretty specific aspects of marriage (such as arguing over who does the dishes, reminding each other of dentist appointments, and yelling "WHAT????" very rudely when we can't hear each other). ahhh, commitment.